“Look for me in the orange butterflies”

K-

Today is one year since we lost my dear friend Madison. Its taken me awhile to find the words to write this and for a long time I didn’t think I wanted to share my last days with her. Selfishly this past year I wanted to keep them to myself. Even now looking at this screen I’m praying this will turn out as beautiful as she was.

I have never lost someone so painfully before. My dads parents passed away when I was pretty young and though I have known loss this was a first for me. Something I had hoped I would never have to experience, and something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I was lucky enough to spend her last few days with her and lucky enough to spend my last day there listening to her tell me whatever she wanted. She spoke beautifully and said things that will stay with me and bring me peace forever. I think if I hadn’t had that time with her I would not have been able to grieve in such a healthy way. I am positive that God made a way for me to be there because he knew I needed it. Madison was so calm and so centered the whole time we were there, like she didn’t have a care in the world. I was able to ask her some things here and there when we had alone time but mostly I just listened. I knew in those pauses that I wouldn’t need to carry conversation because I could hear God telling me to give her the free will to direct it as she pleased and I am so glad that she did. I was getting her ready for bed and was so blessed to be able to pray over her and just ask for his peace and comfort. As I was praying I was so hoping that my words were meaningful to her. You know when you are just so desperate to say the right things? Gosh I can still remember I was just so fixated on God guiding my words. I wanted this prayer to be the best for her. She was so gracious and just soaked it all in and it seemed that in all of this what she wanted most was to be a comfort to ME. I could tell she was so at peace with Gods timing of her life. We shared a lot of things I have chosen to keep to myself but one thing she said to me means more to me every day. More now than when she said it then. I had just prayed over her and was sitting on her bed next to her trying to avoid the inevitable, that I had to leave. She smiled so big at me and said “Kathleen I am so excited.” I must have worn my confusion all over my face because she started to laugh at me. I could not fathom what she meant by this so of course I had to ask her why to which she replied,

“I am so excited because I get to meet your baby before you do.” 

I was floored. She knew we had been having trouble and wanted a baby so bad and here she was at the end of her life and ready to meet our child with so much joy. This year has brought me a lot of pain in experiencing such a huge part of my life without her. Not being able to call her when we had first kicks, first sonograms and an incredible birth and gender reveal. Its hard for me sometimes to remember that she is still seeing it. But there is no coincidence here in my mind. She said this to me in August and at the end of September I got pregnant. So I know she has met Blair. I also know she has met Emery. My daughter was fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who died to know her. This God of mine gave Blair the send off of a lifetime, with someone who was so anxious to send her to me. Every day I fall more and more in love with my daughter and every day I selfishly wish that I would have been there to see them meet. I wish she was here to see me be a mom, and that we could do it together. I think of her constantly and though I can never replace her I am so lucky to have so many people who remind me of her. Reese and Rhett are such small pieces of her in such beautiful ways. The way Reese laughs and the way Rhett blushes. I am so lucky to love them. I am so lucky to know Taylor, Kristina, and Cole. For the relationship I have developed with Maddies mom Tracy, who is such an amazing example of Madisons love for others. She stepped right into the role Madison played in my life. She is always giving me the advice I know Maddie would, she checks in on me in the same selfless ways and she’s a little piece of someone I miss terribly. Someone who though she lives far, loves my daughter like I know Madison would. For that I am blessed and eternally grateful.

Madison told Taylor that if she missed her to “look for me in the orange butterflies.” It seemed fitting that after she passed away there was an outbreak of orange monarch butterflies in south texas, and only Madison could have sent one of those to me in florida.  So although I miss her every day that passes I know she is just patiently waiting for us to join her, because if you asked Madison about heaven she would tell you just as she told me.

“Kathleen, if people only knew what heaven was like no one would be afraid to die, and I am not afraid.”

 

IMG_0529

Advertisements

When and Why the Burtons got Oily.

img_1015-1.jpg

 

K-

So I’m sure by now all my friends and family have seen that Dean and I have started incorporating Essential Oils into our life and with so many questions about them I feel led to share why.

Almost a year ago I lost my sweet friend Madison. We had just bought our house and then shortly after found out Maddie was being transferred to home hospice. Dean and I decided that we were going to do whatever we needed to do to get to Texas and see her. So that evening we booked our flights and spent 3 days saying goodbye to someone I loved very much. Though I have no regrets and we count our blessings every day that we were able to see her before she passed away, it happened very quickly and required some last minute expensive purchases on our credit card. Let me just reiterate, worth. every. penny.

The following weekend I was invited to an essential oils party that I had already rsvp’ed to and if you know anything about me you know I HATE canceling on something I’ve committed to, it seriously drives me nuts. So I arrive at this “sip and sniff” party with all of these strange hippie oils to be polite and I start to smell these delicious scents and I think to myself “well I guess these seem fun, like a candle”.

I was wrong.

My now wonderful friend Frankie told all of us she was going to “scan” us to see what oils we could benefit from on her Zyto machine. So I’m thinking ok sure why not. I scanned for 2 oils. Oola Family and Oola Finance. Not only was I a mess internally but now everyone knew and I was shocked how spot on this silly machine was.

Before I could compose myself I was a pile of tears. I started to spill out all of the stress and heaviness I was feeling from all of our recent expenses, the hurt from losing one of my very closest friends and the overall frustrations of trying to have a baby for years with no success. YALL I NEEDED OILS!!! If my coast guard friends didn’t know me before they surely knew me then haha. (Shout out to all the women who were there that night who completely loved on me in a way I desperately needed.) God is seriously amazing in how he provides.

I told Frankie I was convinced and wanted to try oils myself because lets be honest, I had nothing to lose. Shortly after starting to use oils we got pregnant with Blair. Perfect timing because when your pregnant you literally can not use ANY medication and it seemed that oils were a great option to turn to to help support the systems in my body.

Pregnancy was ROUGH on my body. I was so sick for most of it and my immune system was taken over by this little one who needed it for herself. Enter oils! I had the flu twice before I realized I wasn’t taking advantage of these wonderful oils that I had at my disposal so I decided being that they were really my only option to help support my body (again, not allowed to use drugs while your preggo…) I better start taking advantage of them. Starting then I was using thieves on my feet and spine, lavender on my pillow, and peppermint on my tongue! Call it a coincidence but my immune system felt better than ever and with the addition of these little magic bottles I was sleeping better and enjoying my pregnancy in every aspect. Just an fyi, sleeping while your pregnant is no easy feat. Cause I was LARGE! Lavender and my pregnancy pillow were my two besties. Also shout out to Super B’s and Ningxia Zing for literally helping me survive pregnancy. #youtherealmvp

IMG_1369-1

Fast forward to the night I was induced. When we went in I was excited and nervous and Dean was of course making me laugh the entire time, but as I was getting changed and into my hospital bed I was hit with a huge wave of fear. I am not good with needles and I was being poked and prodded and covered in IV’s and monitors. I started to get very uneasy and after the nurses left our room I was just a puddle of tears. It was all incredibly overwhelming for me and not what I expected. I wasn’t feeling heard with our first nurse and this was very stressful for me. Dean definitely caught on to this and without me knowing he filled my diffuser with Peace and Calming, Orange and Stress Away. Peace and Calming and Stress away for emotional support and Orange for courage. After this he got down in front of me on the floor while I was sitting on the side of my bed in tears and just covered me in prayer. Can you say #husbandgoals because I surely can. I was feeling so much relief over the next few moments. Within the next few hours God brought us a new nurse (who may have been an actual angel), an epidural and a spirit of confidence and peace. From that moment on my delivery was probably one of the most incredible memories I will ever have. Praise God!

We have been using oils in our home since we brought Blair home on all of us. Blair sleeps 6-8 hour stretches at night, is an incredibly happy child and Dean and I have enjoyed every moment of parenthood.

So though I may have thought oils were a joke in the beginning, they have proven me wrong consistently and brought us abundance in many aspects of our life. So HOW could I possibly not share something that has changed our life in such a positive? Its impossible. I won’t stop because I know that these little bottles work, I know that they have improved our life and if I can bring any of that abundance or joy to another family while also giving them the option to bring SAFER products into their homes and lives then I am so blessed to be able to do that and I thank God every day for that blessing. Jesus brought oils into our home for a reason and I’m so grateful every day to him.

 

Because you know…

 

FullSizeRender-26