stress and a grateful wife

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My goal with this blog is to be as transparent as possible. The women who have taught me the most, did that by sharing their true selves with me.  One of the most amazing things my mom ever taught me was that I was allowed to feel whatever I wanted. That I’m allowed to be sad and thats ok. Its alright to be overwhelmed and still be incredibly strong. She also taught me to pick myself back up after and come through it stronger. When Dean and I were dating this is something he really needed to adapt to. He needed to learn that when I was overcome I needed time to be upset and be held, and then after I could see the bright side and start fresh.

Moving around so much has really been a test of our relationship. Yes it comes with new and exciting adventures, and a chance for us to make new friends and see new places. What a lot of people might not tell you is that it is SO hard. Sometimes I want to pack my bags and drive those 9-18 hours (however many they might be) and sit on my sisters couch to hear about their day. I want to run errands and be able to stop at my moms house for lunch so I can ask her how to marinate a chicken breast. I want to call my dad when Deans away and our car is making a weird sound. I want him to come over to fix it and then eat ice cream with me. These things are everyday struggles that most times I don’t realize, but other times overwhelm me.

This move has been the toughest for me. I had never been to Florida before last week, because of my skating history I’ve traveled to the north east dozens of times. It was territory I knew, and only a days drive. North Carolina was different. It was new but our friends live there so I was immediately surrounded by people who were eager to love me. This made the transition very easy. I made life long friends in both places and learned amazing things about myself. Florida was a complete mystery to me though. I was SO excited because I was ready for the sunshine, the palm trees, and the everyday vacation! What I had forgotten about though was how scary the first part is. Living out of a hotel when you have a dog is constant stress even when you think it isn’t, and when your house hunting in a new place you have to search through ALL the rejects before you can find the winner. I wish this was a one day process but it most certainly is not.

These things weigh heavy on us during the process. This is the perfect situation for our weaknesses to make their way to the surface. I have MANY and if it wasn’t for Deans patience and kind heart I don’t know if we would survive this lifestyle. We learn new things every time we move and I can honestly say that Dean has caught on quick. He knows when I just need a hug or when I need many words of encouragement.

My turning point during this move came after our movers arrived and we started to unpack. I quickly realized how little space we had in the kitchen. I have a LOT of gadgets and bakeware because I LOVE to cook. I started counting the ways that this kitchen was not perfect and making a mental note in my head of everything I didn’t like. However when DEAN realized this he didn’t get angry with me for how ungrateful I was being (which I was). Instead he started coming up with unique ways to display our pots and pans to save me space in the cabinets. He even offered to build me extra shelves. I had been so negative and he saw I just needed some inspiration to love this kitchen. I soon realized I didn’t need to love this kitchen because I loved this man, and that made me so grateful for a kitchen to cook meals for us to share. Sometimes I lose sight of what God created for me, and what he knew I would need.

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Though I know this house will never be perfect, this house is not my home. My home is Dean and Luna, and I am so grateful for the reminders God sends to keep my eyes fixed on Him.

I hope to be a wise woman who builds her home, not a foolish one who tears it down!

 

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Love Language

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Sometimes being a wife is the bomb, other times being a wife is still the bomb. I won’t lie, I think my husband makes it easier than it should be. There are times that I roll my eyes because he won’t stop asking for a PS4 but in the big scheme of things I got very lucky with who I chose to spend my life with. Dean and I have learned a lot in our 4 years together so I figured tonight I would share one of our saving graces with you.

When we were engaged we were introduced to the Five Love Languages which changed the ENTIRE dynamic of our relationship and to this day defines the way that we work as a couple. So let me explain.

Basically Gary Chapman explains that we as humans show our love in Five different ways

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Dean is first and foremost Acts of Service, which means that he feels loved most when I do things like, cook him breakfast when he comes home from work or do his laundry, which if we are being honest is so easy because when your a boy EVERYTHING can go into the dryer which really seems unfair. Girl laundry takes a whole weekend and 423 hangers. But I digress…

My love language is words of affirmation followed closely by physical touch. For a long time I would try to show Dean I loved him with these things. I would tell him how much he meant to me, try to hold his hand, etc. Meanwhile Dean would do things like vacuum out my car. Clearly very romantic… haha. It wasn’t until Dean and I took the quiz that we realized how much time and energy we were wasting trying to love each other in ways that weren’t being received. It definitely took a lot of practice and a commitment to training yourself to do things a different way but so is marriage so looking back now I’m grateful for all the practice! Now neither of us is exhausted trying to make the other feel loved which gives us a whole extra ton of love to give! Marriage is constantly giving 100% and part of that is deciding to make YOURSELF better for your spouse. This also means constantly putting your spouse first. Thats a hard pill to swallow because that requires you to check your pride at the door. Every time we have done it though God has really blessed us and our marriage in ways we could have never imagined.

If you are married, in a relationship, or just too busy being great to date anyone EVERYONE should take this quiz. Its awesome to know not only your own but anyones. You’ll even start seeing peoples love languages just by being around them. Click the link to find out! You won’t regret it! Feel free to email us to tell us what you think of the quiz at hisbootshershoes@gmail.com

http://www.5lovelanguages.com

Ruth 1:16

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K- This is such an amazing reminder for me every day that my very first priority should always be Dean and our marriage. His job quite literally asks me to follow him everywhere and I think that would be really difficult if he wasn’t so considerate of this. Every time we are faced with a new location he is always trying to make sure that I think its the right move for us and if we will be happy there. Moving comes with its own struggle and being far from the people we love is so heartbreaking sometimes because you miss out on birthdays and holidays and the little things that provide you with lifelong memories. So sometimes its hard to consider places that will make you miss out on those memories. Its a huge blessing to have a spouse who understands this and I’m grateful that Dean is so accommodating. Its also much easier to choose this lifestyle because of how much Dean loves his job, and whenever I get frustrated with it I come back to this verse in Ruth and I’m reminded that every time I put my husband first God truly blesses our path.