My goal with this blog is to be as transparent as possible. The women who have taught me the most, did that by sharing their true selves with me. One of the most amazing things my mom ever taught me was that I was allowed to feel whatever I wanted. That I’m allowed to be sad and thats ok. Its alright to be overwhelmed and still be incredibly strong. She also taught me to pick myself back up after and come through it stronger. When Dean and I were dating this is something he really needed to adapt to. He needed to learn that when I was overcome I needed time to be upset and be held, and then after I could see the bright side and start fresh.
Moving around so much has really been a test of our relationship. Yes it comes with new and exciting adventures, and a chance for us to make new friends and see new places. What a lot of people might not tell you is that it is SO hard. Sometimes I want to pack my bags and drive those 9-18 hours (however many they might be) and sit on my sisters couch to hear about their day. I want to run errands and be able to stop at my moms house for lunch so I can ask her how to marinate a chicken breast. I want to call my dad when Deans away and our car is making a weird sound. I want him to come over to fix it and then eat ice cream with me. These things are everyday struggles that most times I don’t realize, but other times overwhelm me.
This move has been the toughest for me. I had never been to Florida before last week, because of my skating history I’ve traveled to the north east dozens of times. It was territory I knew, and only a days drive. North Carolina was different. It was new but our friends live there so I was immediately surrounded by people who were eager to love me. This made the transition very easy. I made life long friends in both places and learned amazing things about myself. Florida was a complete mystery to me though. I was SO excited because I was ready for the sunshine, the palm trees, and the everyday vacation! What I had forgotten about though was how scary the first part is. Living out of a hotel when you have a dog is constant stress even when you think it isn’t, and when your house hunting in a new place you have to search through ALL the rejects before you can find the winner. I wish this was a one day process but it most certainly is not.
These things weigh heavy on us during the process. This is the perfect situation for our weaknesses to make their way to the surface. I have MANY and if it wasn’t for Deans patience and kind heart I don’t know if we would survive this lifestyle. We learn new things every time we move and I can honestly say that Dean has caught on quick. He knows when I just need a hug or when I need many words of encouragement.
My turning point during this move came after our movers arrived and we started to unpack. I quickly realized how little space we had in the kitchen. I have a LOT of gadgets and bakeware because I LOVE to cook. I started counting the ways that this kitchen was not perfect and making a mental note in my head of everything I didn’t like. However when DEAN realized this he didn’t get angry with me for how ungrateful I was being (which I was). Instead he started coming up with unique ways to display our pots and pans to save me space in the cabinets. He even offered to build me extra shelves. I had been so negative and he saw I just needed some inspiration to love this kitchen. I soon realized I didn’t need to love this kitchen because I loved this man, and that made me so grateful for a kitchen to cook meals for us to share. Sometimes I lose sight of what God created for me, and what he knew I would need.
Though I know this house will never be perfect, this house is not my home. My home is Dean and Luna, and I am so grateful for the reminders God sends to keep my eyes fixed on Him.
I hope to be a wise woman who builds her home, not a foolish one who tears it down!